Just Can't Stand You
by x0biteme0x
Summary: The Cullen Family is full of perfect couples, but what happens when they switch partners for a day? How far will the Cullens go in order to break the boredom of a sunny day spent inside? Who will survive the new, ridiculous pairings? Ch3 UP NOW
1. Let the Games Begin

**A/n: …yes if you've read any of my other stories you'd know. IT'S ANOTHER SIDE PROJECT! YAY! This chapter is a little slower but I promise you'll be very amused to read the next few chapters.**

**Read and review, let me know if people are OOC, I have a hard time keeping them all in line sometimes.**

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING.**

The grandfather clock at the Cullen's house ticked audibly in its silent halls.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

The gleaming metal hands clicked along to the swing of a golden pendulum.

Tick.

Tock.

WOOSH

An exasperated sigh sliced through the doldrums, buzzing like static in the overly sensitive ears of six, very bored, vampires.

Edward, who was lounging in the den with his favorite vampire, rolled his eyes as a single thought boomed loudly from upstairs.

_I'm SO bored._

Seconds later Bella rolled her eyes, as a single voice boomed loudly from upstairs.

"I'm SO bored."

A long stream of complaints followed by what sounded like a pillow forcefully hitting a gigantic boulder continued the tirade.

"HEY!"

"Stop complaining and I won't hit you anymore."

A few minutes later all was peaceful and the only thing making any noise was a diligent metronomic ticking.

Bella lolled comfortably in Edward's lap and steadily surfed the ridiculously wide variety of channels on TV.

Suddenly, she squeaked excitedly and stopped on a cheesy reality show.

"I love this show!"

Edward glanced at the TV and turned his scorching, buttery gaze back to Bella.

"I love you."

Bella smiled, "Oh Edward."

"What's on tonight?" chimed Alice, her pixie like frame sitting on the armrest.

Jasper stood next to her, peering at the TV and spoke excitedly.

"Hey it's one of my favorites."

"Jasper, are you serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be? It's a perfectly good show Edward."

"Edward you leave Jazz alone."

"Alice I didn't do anything to him."

"Yes you did."

"Shut up Jasper."

"Shut up Edward."

"JASPER!"

"Yes Alice."

Edward snorted, "Weakling."

"EDWARD!"

"Yes Bella dear."

A loud thumping shook the TV as Emmett bounded into the room with Rosalie in his arms.

"FOOTBAAAALL!!"

'Not _again_ Emmett," whined Rosalie "we _always _watch that."

Alice suddenly squealed in excitement and Edward shook his head pleadingly.

"Hey! Let's play a game!"

"Alice that's ridiculous no one will—" but the rest was a muffled blur as Emmett covered Edward's mouth with a huge paw.

"What is it?"

"Well, you know how the show on TV is all about perfect couples switching partners? Like you and Bella become Bella and Jasper for a day! Let's do that! See which can survive one day with someone different, they'll be the winners."

"That's a wonderful idea."

"Jasper's a suck up."

"I am not."

"Let's play!"

"Thank you Bella."

"Alright fine."

Minutes later all six vampires sat around two black hats.

"All the boys come up here, each of you take one slip of paper. If you pick your current partner put it back and try again. Whoever you pick will be --"

"Your partner for a day yes we understand can we get on with it?"

"Edward be _patient_."

"Yes Bella."

"I'll go first."

Jasper stepped up to one of the hats and took a slip of paper, his eyes flashed over to Bella as he made a quick salute.

"At your service Ms. Bella."

Emmett went up next and a wide grin spread across his face as he looked up at Alice.

"Hey partner!"

All of a sudden the room went dead quiet. Alice waved the hat at Edward and he blanched visibly.

"Come on Edward, you have to take it."

Slowly, very slowly, Edward rose and took his slip of paper.

"Rosalie."

Rosalie flipped her golden hair and snorted, "oh of _all_ the rotten luck. Thanks a lot Alice, you can forget about borrowing that dress now."

A very solemn Bella stood up and spoke.

"Let the games begin!"

**a/n2: ohhh just wait for the next few chapters lol, things are gonna get HAIRY BABY XD**


	2. Devil Wears Prada

**A/n: Sorry the ending is a bit weak but you'll get the gist of it! Lol. So I had a lot of fun writing this one but next chapter is about Edward and Rosalie and THAT should be interesting to write XD I have the dialogue written out already so it's going up tomorrow, lmao poor Edward. Anyways, READ and REVIEW!**

**Disclaimer: property of stephenie meyer**

"But Rose says I look horrible in lavender!"

"Oh please," snorted Alice "lavender is _obviously_ and I mean obviously your color."

"I can't!"

"DO IT."

"Yes Alice."

Emmett watched meekly as Alice bobbed in and out of aisles of shelving. They were in her enormous closet and he was positively buried in "chic" outfits.

"Ehm. Alice?" Emmett gazed around, slight confused as to which pile of shoes he should be addressing.

A muffled reply came from behind a teetering stack of stilettos.

"What is it Emmett, I'm a little busy here."

"Could I…go watch the game maybe?"

A spiky black haired head peered around a mountain of shoeboxes.

"You mean you're not…having fun? But- but Jazzie always loved the shoes. I don't…"

"No no! I'm having loads of fun! I mean yeah I think lavender _is _actually my color, it's yeah—"

"Fantastic! I knew you'd see it from my point of view. But you know, what you really need is….OOH!"

Alice screamed happily and tossed him a cream colored feather boa.

Emmett cringed and gasped for breath as the fiendishly furry accessory tickled him.

"Perfect! Now we just need the finishing touch…let me see…"

"Aahh."

A reverent sigh came a large pile of evening gowns.

"I found it! My favorite Prada fur coat, isn't it gorgeous? And it matches your outfit perfectly Emmett!"

She tossed the luxurious jacket at her huge, bear-like brother.

"Put that on, I'm going to Jazz's closet so you can try on his ties. I'll be right back and don't you _dare_ move an inch."

The last part was followed by a warning growl as Alice glided out of the massive closet.

**Emmett POV**

_These heels are killing me! _

I looked outside the closet to check that Alice had really left before kicking off the toe pinching contraptions.

_She's a hundred times worse than Rosalie, I really don't know how Jasper lives like this. _

I winced as my extremely tender feet collided with hardwood flooring. I needed something soft for my feet, something fuzzy and warm.

_Then I'll get out of here before she comes back, maybe Tanya will let me watch the game. _

I looked around, scouting for the perfect _something_ to soothe my throbbing feet with. And I spotted it.

_AHA!_

Alice's furry coat! Excellent!

_What did she say about this again, it's Parada or something? _

But whatever hesitation I had about wrapping my achy feet in the cloth completely melted away as I rubbed them against the synthetic fur.

"Mmm, ohh yeah that's good. Mhmm…"

I heard a creak as someone opened a door, but didn't open my eyes to see who it was. Who cares? My feet are in heaven…

"Emmett," a low hiss came from somewhere to my right "what are you rubbing your big, filthy feet in?"

A sense of panic seeped slowly through my comfort.

"Uhm…"

I carefully opened one of my eyes to see a _very_ scary looking Alice.

**Narrator POV**

Alice had been sifting through ties in Jasper's considerably smaller closet when a vision flashed through her head.

Emmett was kicking off a pair of _expensive_ Manolo's forcefully, letting the delicate shoes hit an unforgiving wall and cracking the heel. He then turned around and stuck his _feet _in her _favorite Prada jacket_.

Alice hissed and sprinted out of Jasper's closet, and tiptoed to her own.

A huge figure was slumped on one of the lounge chairs, rubbing his feet vigorously in her jacket.

"Emmett, what are you rubbing your big filthy feet in?"

Suddenly the big oaf opened his eyes.

"Oh, Alice. Ahh…er, would you like your jacket back? I mean ehm—do you need it or should I just— oh whoa hey don't, don't overreact now I can always buy you another one right? I—I'll just ask Rose to take me to Target or something I…uhm. I'm sorry?"

But before he could stammer any longer a dangerous snarl ripped out of Alice's throat as she pounced on her screaming brother.

**A/n: next chapter is all about Edward and Rosie's pleasant day together XD**


	3. Sibling Rivalry

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a/n: lmao I think I might've had a bit too much fun with this chapter but it was so amazing to write XD. Read and Review, this is still a side project so it's based purely off how interested people are. Bella and Jazz are up next, that chapter should be up tomorrow so check on it.

**Thanks to all who've reviewed!**

**Disclaimer: property of stephenie meyer**

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Edward lounged in a chair next to a very busy Rosalie. He was utterly bored and wishing Bella was here instead.

Rosalie on the other hand, was enjoying herself immensely. She was sitting in front of a ridiculously large mirror and…doing her hair.

"Rosalie," Edward sighed, "can we _please_ do something else?"

"No."

Moments later Edward rolled his eyes as a single thought flashed through Rosalie's mind.

_I am so beautiful, thank god I'm not plain like lover boy's little pet. _

"Rose," he growled "_Bella_ is _not_ my pet."

"Whatever."

"She's more beautiful than _you_."

Rosalie snorted, shocked by his stupidity and obvious loss of eyesight. But she said nothing, letting her mind speak for itself.

_Idiot._

Edward groaned in frustration but said nothing.

Half an hour later, Edward stood up and angrily ran his hands through his bronze hair.

"Rosalie would you _please_ stop preening yourself for _one minute?_"

Rosalie ignored her extremely aggravated brother and continued to "preen" herself.

"Shut up Edward."

"…"

"Rose, I am not a socially inept nerd suffering from a severe inferior complex."

She looked up innocently and gasped.

"But I never said that!"

"I can read your mind Rosalie and I'd say stop playing dumb…except I know this is you at your best."

"Oh real nice Edward, I'm the dumb blonde right? In that case you're the hundred year old pedophile!"

"What?!"

"Well WOW _Ed_, you're over a hundred years old and you're married to an 18 year old? Gross! Pedophile alert!"

Edward stared at Rosalie in shock, choosing to ignore her jibe at his name but completely dumbfounded by her twisted logic.

"You've got to be kidding me Rose."

"No Edward I'm not."

Edward hissed at the evil blonde smirking at him.

"Narcissist."

"Jerk."

"Ditz."

"Asshole!"

"Egomaniac."

"Whatever."

"I win."

"Go to hell pedophile."

"Choke on that hairspray Barbie."

"UGH I HATE YOU!"

"Likewise."

_SLAM_

_SLAM_

Rosalie screamed in frustration as she locked herself –forcefully- in her bathroom, and Edward rolled his eyes as he walked out the room, shutting the door with a loud BANG.

One story down, Bella glanced up at the trembling ceiling nervously.

Jasper also looked up and mused quietly.

"I think they're really starting to like each other."

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